


He's like Mozart and I'm like...Mozart's friend

by sehunbussy



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Marching Band, Battles Against Admin, Comedy, F/M, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Multi, Romance, Slow Burn, also concert band, lots of jim/dwight pranks, michael scott being michael scott, more relationships will occur as the story progresses, the office style comedy in a band setting basically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23401630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sehunbussy/pseuds/sehunbussy
Summary: If Dunder-Mifflin was a high school band program-the antics of band director Michael Scott and his unique cast of students. Focuses a lot on Tres Amigos(jim, pam, dwight) antics. Also including Michael's antics with admins David Wallace and Jan Levinson, his rivalry with orchestra director Toby Flenderson, and a future romance with the new assistant director Holly Flax.
Relationships: Gil/Oscar Martinez, Holly Flax/Michael Scott, Jan Levinson/Michael Scott, Jim Halpert & Dwight Schrute, Pam Beesly & Jim Halpert & Dwight Schrute, Pam Beesly/Jim Halpert, Pam Beesly/Jim Halpert/Dwight Schrute, Roy Anderson/Pam Beesly, Ryan Howard/Kelly Kapoor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi im hella excited for this fic! i already have SO many ideas and even some scenes for later already written up! i plan for this to be a long haul, so buckle up y'all. we got romance, we got comedy, and we got michael scott antics galore. band is my area of experience, so hope all u band kids or former band kids can relate to these realistically hilarious situations.

Jim jumped up as soon as the bell rang and hurried to band. He had skipped government to prank Dwight again and he wanted to see his reaction, plus the sooner he got to the band room the sooner he got to see Pam. He walked through the back door and smiled as he saw Pam setting her backpack down by her chair.

“Beesly!” Pam looked up with a smile, and adorably responded “Halpert?!” 

“So, I may have put Dwight’s mouthpiece in jello. Again. Come with me to my locker, you gotta see his reaction!”

She giggled, but rolled her eyes. “Haven’t you done the jello thing multiple times already?” 

Jim frowned. “Hey, my mom buys a lot of jello. We can’t all be as creative as you.” She blushed at that.

  
  


Soon enough, Dwight was walking in and Pam and Jim shared a smile before heading over to the other door of the locker room. Dwight began to open his locker, and Jim swiftly appeared behind him and pretended to backhug him.

“Get off me, Jim”, Dwight muttered, not even bothering to move. He continued to spin the dial until his lock clicked open. He used to have his own elaborate set of locks and even a rope knotted around the locker bars, but admin complained that it was a “violation of school property” and forced him to go back to using the school-issued lock. Which meant that fucking Jim could continue breaking into his locker with ease. He sighed and opened his trumpet case.

He pulled out his trumpet, filled with dismay as he realized that the mouthpiece was missing. 

“Jim, I do not have time for your hide-and-seek games!”

Jim just smiled and said “look behind your case.”

Dwight frowned. Hidden behind his case was, of course, his mouthpiece encased in /jello/, sitting upon a paper plate with a paper fork on the side. 

“Dammit, Jim!” He scoffed. “Couldn’t even think of a new prank?”

At this point, Jim had opened his locker above Dwight’s and was getting his trumpet out. He shrugged. “You know what they say, ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’. You still seem annoyed enough.” 

Dwight continued to stare at the jello-encased mouthpiece in silent fury, the plastic fork mocking him. Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, pulling him away and he reluctantly picked up the plate. 

“C’mon, you better get to your chair early so you have time to eat through the jello.” How thoughtful of Jim. Dwight sighed and let himself be dragged to his seat. It didn’t escape his notice that Pam had been standing at the edge of the locker room the whole time, and was now giving Jim a thumbs-up which he returned with a charming grin.

  
  


It was a good thing that Dwight respected Pam enough to keep his mouth shut, since Jim’s crush was so painstakingly obvious. Well, at the very least he knew that her drummer boyfriend would probably go into a rage if he found out, and Dwight couldn’t be a catalyst for violence. He  _ had _ to keep these moments he witnessed to himself–for the greater good of the Dunder-Mifflin High band program! But if Jim ever crossed the line he was so blackmailing him.

  
  


Dwight was still going to complain to Michael about Jim’s prank though. It made him feel tougher to take some sort of action and besides, this prank was actually going to make him lose time fixing it and he couldn’t have Michael thinking he was simply late. Dwight Schrute was never  _ late _ . 

He saw Michael heading out from his office to start teaching and called to him. “Michael, Jim put my mouthpiece in jello!” 

Michael stopped and looked at him before saying matter-of-factly, “well, there’s no eating in the band room, so I guess you won’t be playing today.” 

Dwight’s face fell. No playing today?! What was he supposed to do, just sit there like an idiot? “Michael, please! I can eat outside and clean it before playing.”

Michael looked at him pensively before shaking his head and saying “nope, can’t fool me with your logic. Take the day off!” 

He wanted to protest further, but Michael had already walked away. He sighed and turned to Jim, whose shoulders were shaking with laughter. He wanted to stab Jim with that plastic fork now. Well, really, a real fork would be ideal.

“Hey, since you’re not playing, does that mean I get to cover your solo?” Scratch that, he wanted to stab Jim with a knife. 

  
  


…

Michael Scott got on the podium and began doing what he does best– singing an entirely unrelated song to the current situation. “Goooood morning Baltimore!”

“I thought we lived in Boston…” Erin muttered, confused. Pam and Kelly looked at her in even more confusion. 

“We live in Scranton. Pennsylvania.” Pam deadpanned.

“Scranton, Boston, both end in -ton. It’s like, how do you even tell them apart?”

Pam just shook her head and directed her attention back to Michael Scott, who had continued to do a very poor rendition of ‘Good Morning Baltimore.’

“Michael, would you please stop with the ‘Hairspray’?” Oscar asked. He then added under his breath, “at least find a better musical.” 

Angela sent him a patented Angela Look and replied “what would you prefer, ‘Rent’?” 

Oscar sighed. “I’m surprised you even like ‘Hairspray’, Angela. The whole open-minded thing is very unlike you.”

Kevin just sat there in silence, holding his reed in his mouth like it was a lollipop.

Their bickering was cut short by Michael, who had stopped telling some joke and was finally talking about something relevant. 

  
  


“Today, we are learning...drumroll please!” He then stared pointedly at the percussion section, who were having a conversation of their own. Everyone in the winds turned to stare until Darryl and Roy finally turned around and noticed the attention.

Darryl just looked at everyone with wide eyes before awkwardly picking up a drumstick and drumrolling. 99% of the time, that was what Michael wanted from him.

His instincts was correct, as Michael soon yelled “we are learning NEW MUSIC!” Only Erin and Andy cheered. 

“Oh come on, we can do better than that”, Michael complained. “Darryl!”

Darryl sighed and picked up the drumstick again, giving yet another drumroll.

“New music!” Everyone burst into cheers with varying levels of sincerity; Kelly’s was probably the most obnoxious, Stanley’s the most reluctant. Normally Dwight would cheer because he thought Michael was the greatest band director ever, but he was still angry about his mouthpiece so he sat in silence with his arms crossed, letting out a single, disheartened “woo.”

“Pam, would you please go make copies of everyone’s music?” Pam stared at Michael. “Why?”

Michael laughed. “Pamelaaaa—go make me some copies!” Pam set down her flute and grabbed the score from Michael with a blank look on her eyes, resigning herself to her fate as the copy girl. 

Jim couldn’t say he was surprised, but he was disappointed. Leave it to Michael to make a grand announcement about new music and then reveal that he had yet to actually, you know, have the music ready for them to play. Oh well, while Pam was making copies they would have some time to screw around. Poor Pam though.

He was interrupted from that train of thought by Dwight poking his arm. “Yes, Dwight?”

“First of all, I’m still mad at you for the jello. But I have an idea that’ll solve my problem, and I think you would enjoy it too. Would you like to help me out?”

“Absolutely I do”, Jim replied in utmost seriousness. “What’s the plan, Schrute?”

“Ew, don’t call me that. Anyways, I think we should steal Andy’s mouthpiece.”

Jim raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Any particular reason why?”

“I hate him”, Dwight replied matter-of-factly. And he did. Andy took a solo in the show that Dwight so deserved, plus he was dating Angela. Their relationship may be over, but Dwight’s grudge against Andy was not. Besides, Dwight needed a mouthpiece. And not that he’d ever admit it, but he tolerated Jim. Well, at the very least, he didn’t hate him as much as he hated Andy.

Jim just nodded. “Alright; how about I distract him and you steal it?” Dwight shook hands with him on it because he was a nerd, and then Jim walked over to Andy while gesturing at Dwight to stay behind.

“Hey Andy, how’s it going?” Luckily, the only person between Jim and Dwight and Andy was Stanley, who was paying zero attention, completely invested in some game on his phone.

“Heyo Tuna! I’ve just been thinking about the new song we learned today in chorus.” He opened his mouth to start vocalizing, and thinking fast Jim said “Andy, singing while sitting down? Come on, stand up and give us a show!”

“If you insist”, Andy replied, looking confused but flattered. While moving aside on the risers, Jim caught Pam’s eye at the copiers. She looked at him and smiled, gesturing at Andy as if to ask “why?” Jim held a finger to his lips in response and then subtly beckoned Dwight over before turning back to Andy.

Andy began singing boldly in Latin, entirely focused on his performance and unaware of Dwight coming up behind Jim and reaching for Andy’s trumpet. He unscrewed the mouthpiece and put it in his pocket just in time for Andy to finish belting, putting an elbow on Jim’s shoulder as if he had walked over to get his attention.

“You know you’re shorter than me” Jim said, rolling his eyes.

“Just checking”, Dwight replied with way too much glee before rushing back to his seat. Jim met Pam’s gaze and raised his eyebrows, her face lighting up as she realized what had occured. It was almost like they could communicate telepathically. Pam then picked up a stack of papers and walked out of the copy room, and Jim returned to his seat.

Michael light-heartedly scolded Pam for taking so long and then made her pass them out. Her heart beat a little faster when she got to the trumpets and got to see Jim. She made him laugh by giving him the music instead of Dwight, who was first chair and very offended. Pam half-heartedly apologized because Dwight was sort of her friend too; but it was hilarious to see how worked up he got over stuff like that.

Finally Pam walked over to the percussion to give them their music, which meant seeing Roy. And even though they had been dating for years, Pam just...didn’t feel like interacting with him sometimes. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t happy in their relationship, of course not. If kissing Roy felt a bit off and saying hi to him didn’t make her smile as much as joking with Jim, well that was just because they were far along enough in their relationship that they didn’t need to have some honeymoon phase. Pam was with Roy. She walked back to her seat with an aura of resignation.

  
  


The band looked at their music and all but one person were instantly horrified or enraged. “An oboe concerto? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Michael took the accusations in stride. “First of all, language, Meredith. Second of all, I added this piece to showcase our prodigy, Ryan!”

Ryan was a freshman oboe. He was...alright; he went to a fancy performing arts middle school–but he wasn’t some sort of god. At least, not to the students. Michael, however, seemed to believe he was the greatest musician to have ever walked this Earth. Scratch that, greatest person to have ever walked this Earth.

Michael treated Ryan like the son he never had but so desperately wanted, and it was blatantly obvious and uncomfortable to everyone. Especially Ryan. No one could really be mad at him, because he clearly did not enjoy the attention and just wanted to play his oboe in peace. Michael, of course, found every opportunity possible to give Ryan countless solos.

“Mike, there isn’t even a percussion part! All we do is one cymbal crash at the end!”

“Darryl, you and Roy can alternate on that then. Now, any other complaints about my selection which I will not change?”

“All these notes are really high man, are you sure I can play this?” Meredith looked over at Creed, and after glancing at his music for about 30 seconds simply flipped it over. “Oh.”

Michael just looked at Creed as if he couldn’t fully believe he existed, which is fair. “Okay, let’s start playing– what, Andy?” Michael sounded pretty annoyed at the fact that Andy’s hand was raised.

Andy laughed awkwardly. “Uh, my mouthpiece appears to have gone missing.”

Michael just sighed. “Sounds like a you problem, Andy. Or maybe a T problem. Ryan, would you give us the honors of a concert F?”

Everyone put their emotions aside to breathe in, and produced a collective sound that wasn’t all that terrible, especially for the first note of the day.


	2. Lunch Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the gang get banned from eating lunch in the band room, they must get creative on their search for a new spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this entire thing in a 4hr hyperfocus frenzy, this is probably the longest chapter ive ever written for a fic but i'm planning to keep it like this so get ready for hella content coming ur way

Jim, Dwight, and Pam were sitting together at a table in Spanish and were currently bored out of their minds. Jim had already “died of boredom” for Pam twice, but they were still unable to defeat the drag of listening to the teacher drone about the imperfect for another 45 minutes. They had already learned this last year, why must they suffer?

Jim glanced over at Dwight, who had been sleeping into the palm of his hand(it was his “brilliant strategy” to avoid getting caught) for quite some time, and came up with an idea. He met eyes with Pam and the twinkle in his eye instantly let her know that Jim had a plan. She was now grinning with anticipation as he quickly began writing it down on the back of his notes before sliding the paper to her.

She nodded to let Jim know she understood, and then Jim began. “Hey, Dwight,” he whispered, poking him until he woke up?

“What?” Dwight blinked at him, clearly out of it.

“The teacher said it’s independent work time. You can sleep normally now, you’re good.” He made eye contact with Pam after saying this and she hid her smile behind her hand.

“Thanks Jim, you’re alright”, Dwight mumbled before dropping his head to the desk with a thud and resuming his sleep.

“Señor Dwight?” the teacher called out.

Oh man, Jim couldn’t believe his luck. He expected Dwight to blatantly sleep in class without hesitation, but he did not expect for him to get the teacher’s attention so soon.

Dwight, of course, didn’t respond and Mrs. Rodriguez looked concerned. “Is he okay?”

Jim instantly went into acting mode and innocently responded “I don’t know m’am, he was acting kinda weird earlier and then he just dropped like that.”

As Ms. Rodriguez stared at Dwight’s lifeless upper body with a mixture of concern and discomfort, Pam spoke up and said “I can take him to the nurse, señora. We’re friends.”

A dash of relief washed over Ms. Rodriguez’s face. “ _ Gracias _ .” Jim made eye contact with Pam, and then stood up for his turn.

“I should go too. Dwight’s way too heavy for Pam to bring alone.” Ms. Rodriguez looked a little suspicious at that, but seeing the two of them lift Dwight’s still unmoving body eliminated all of her doubts.

“I’ll write you two a pass”, she said, quickly scribbling one down and wishing them luck.

Jim blessed the skies for making Dwight such a heavy sleeper as he and Pam literally dragged him out of class, making sure to of course bring their stuff along as well. Dwight started to stir a few times, even he wasn’t  _ that  _ impervious, but Jim just shushed him and whispered cryptic phrases about dreams that somehow convinced Dwight he was in one.

Once they got through the hallway (and boy did they get some weird looks–the best was when  _ Ryan  _ walked by them and simply shook his head in disappointment.), they sunk down a wall and let Dwight fall across their laps. 

Finally out of sight, Jim and Pam let their true smiles break loose and proceeded to burst into laughter for a solid minute. This was probably the best prank Jim had ever pulled. He could not believe that they had managed to skip class by convincing a teacher that Dwight had just passed out and lost all mental function during class. She bought it! Shout out to Dwight for being a truly undisturbable sleeper–no wonder why he looked so peaceful napping against the bus window.

Since Dwight earned them this opportunity, Jim made sure to wake him up for real so they could enjoy their 45 minutes of freedom. Jim simply announced to Pam “check out my new Shakeweight!” before shaking Dwight’s shoulders intensely and repeatedly until he snapped to attention.

Dwight was pretty confused to finally come to full awareness in the hallway, with his head on Jim’s thighs and legs on Pam’s, who was laughing uncontrollably.

“What happened? Did I miss class change?” Dwight was even more confused when that caused Jim to burst out into laughter as well as Pam just laughed harder.

“What?” he whined, confused about what he had missed out on. He looked at the hallway clock to see that it was still their Spanish block. When Pam and Jim had finally stopped laughing, they simply helped Dwight stand up with them and walked to the band room as Michael Scott didn’t care about skipping and in fact, encouraged it.

“All I’ll say, Dwight, is that Ms. Rodriguez may think that you have a concussion right now. I suggest acting at least a little out of it tomorrow.” Dwight frowned at Jim. What the hell was he talking about? This was weird and definitely another one of Jim’s ridiculous pranks...but hey, he wasn’t gonna complain about 45 minutes of free time.

…

The lunch bell rang and everyone simultaneously began pushing down their stands and getting up to head to their lockers. “Wait!” Michael yelled. There was a collective groan.

“I have an unfortunate announcement.” Michael then stood there in silence.

“Uh, what’s the announcement Michael?” Oscar asked.

Michael started mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like gibberish. Oscar sighed. “Michael, would you please just give us the announcement so we can eat lunch?”

Michael loudly started, “THE ANNOUNCEMENT IS–” before trailing off into more mumbled gibberish. Oscar raised his hands in defeat.

“Michael,” Pam complained. 

“I’m leaving” Stanley announced, getting up and walking to the locker room.

“No Stanley, don’t–” but it was too late. Michael hung his head in resignation. “Fine. The announcement, which by the way is  _ completely  _ Jan’s fault, is that students are no longer allowed to eat lunch in the band room.”

Everyone started protesting. That was their spot! Their lunch block was only them and the student athletes, so the cafeteria wasn’t exactly a welcoming environment and it was also super crowded and loud. The band room was the perfect lunch spot.

“That’s bullshit! Why can’t we?” Meredith argued.

“Well...apparently there was a quote-on-quote ‘ant infestation’ here, so eating lunch here was deemed a safety hazard.”

“But we always clean up!” Andy refuted. Everyone nodded.

Angela turned to Kevin, ready to accuse him since he did eat the most of the group, but he looked back at her with offense and said “do you really think I would leave any food behind for the ants?” He had a point.

“Well, someone must’ve done it.” Darryl observed.

During this exchange, Michael started to sweat. He often left meals out on his desk during the day, but surely it wasn’t him? Well, it probably was, but he really hoped nobody would catch on.

“Well, what did Jan say about the ant infestation?” Jim asked. Everyone stared expectantly at Michael.

“That it was caused by...cheeto puff crumbs.” Michael mumbled.

“Huh? But none of us eat cheeto puffs except...oh come on, it was you, Michael? Really?” Everyone began complaining.

Michael raised his hands in surrender. “It was an accident! Cheeto puffs are messy, sue me!”

“That’s why you clean up after yourself”, Angela reprimanded.

“Okay, whatever, there’s nothing we can do about Michael’s cheeto puff pursuits ruining lunch for all of us. But where are we gonna go now?” Kelly spoke up.

“What about the orchestra room?” Pam asked.

“With Toby? What is wrong with you Pam?!” Michael replied in disgust and horror.

“Ok, that’s a no to the orchestra room. What about just sitting in the hallway?” Jim asked.

“No no no, Jan will kill you. Jan sees everything.” Michael replied, sounding genuinely scared.

Jim frowned with skepticism. He doubted Jan was  _ that  _ intense(though her presence was definitely commanding); Michael just sucked at being subtle or secretive. He figured they could resort to the hallways later.

“Why don’t we just eat outside and enjoy this beautiful weather?” Lots of people rolled their eyes when Andy said this, but he did have a point. Eating outside was the simplest option they had right now. They all grumbled their agreement and finally got up to put away their instruments for real.

…

“Hey babe, the boys are gonna eat at a table in the cafeteria. Lonny’s got an in with some guys in gym. See you after school?”

Pam just nodded at Roy and gave him a brief kiss before they parted ways. Roy always ate lunch with his fellow percussionists, who ate separately from the rest of the band. They used to just eat in the drum room while everyone else ate in the main area, but apparently they had no trouble finding a new spot.

Some people might find it weird that Pam never ate lunch with her boyfriend, but who said they had to have the same friends? Pam was allowed to have her own life. Speaking of which, she walked over to grab her backpack before catching up to Jim.

…

The gang arrived at the courtyard outside of the cafeteria and instantly shivered as they walked outside. It may only be September, but this was Scranton and it happened to be a fairly cold day. Pam realized that she had left her warm jacket in her locker and sighed. About half of the group had made the same mistake though, so at least she wasn’t alone.

Although they all ate lunch ‘together’, everyone tended to split off into some level of groups. Packer, the lewd trombonist, was thankfully an exception to the rule and ate with his friends. Kevin, Angela, and Oscar always sat together; they had a bizarre dynamic, but their clarinet bond was strong. Meredith, Creed, Stanley, and Phyllis usually sat together; also weird, but they were all juniors so they had known each other for a while. Andy kind of just floated around to whoever seemed to be having the most interesting conversation.

Erin, Kelly, and Ryan also sat together. Ryan and Kelly were “dating”(more like the living definition of “it’s complicated”), and Erin and Kelly were best friends, so it worked out. Sometimes Pam felt bad for Erin when Ryan and Kelly would just have make out sessions while Erin just sat there awkwardly, but Erin wasn’t really close with anyone else. 

Erin looked up to Pam a lot as the first chair player, and she also saw her as some grand mentor even though Pam was only one year older. It was sweet, but could be kind of excessive sometimes, which discouraged Pam from trying to interact with her more. Erin had once asked her if she had any tips for pressing down flute keys...what secrets could there possibly be to that? She wouldn’t be surprised if Erin asked her how she drank water one day.

Who did Pam eat her lunch with? Well, obviously, Jim. And lately, Dwight would join them. He used to eat alone, but he was honestly pretty entertaining and Jim’s pranks or general bickering with him often ran into lunchtime anyways. 

“Whaddya have, Beesly?” Jim asked.

Pam gave him a sarcastic smile. Jim knew that she ate the same PB&J with pretzels, an apple, and a poptart every day, yet he insisted on asking her about the contents of her meal.

She dramatically pulled each item out of her lunch bag one at a time, using her best announcer voice to introduce them. After each item Jim would clap and make some comment in approval like “fantastic taste, Beesly!” Jim always used her last name when he was joking around. It was cute...in a platonic way, obviously.

Dwight gave her lunch a judgemental glance. “Not as bad as Jim’s, but you’re still lacking the proper nutrients one needs to become as strong as me.”

Pam smiled and decided to indulge him, glancing at Jim out of the corner of her eye. “What do you have Dwight?”

“Beets. Jerky. Cornmeal. Healthy and delicious. And far superior to Jim’s processed bullshit.”

Jim pretended to look hurt. “Dwight, how could you say that about my Cheez-its and Oreos? They’re my favorite foods.”

“Your favorite foods are stupid, Jim.”

Jim just laughed and began eating, and Pam and Dwight followed suit. They began a casual conversation about Michael’s latest antics, until Jim pointed out that Pam was still shivering.

“It’s no big deal–” she protested, but he was having none of it. Jim started to unzip his backpack, but he was surprisingly interrupted by Dwight faking indifference and suggesting that she take a jacket from his bag.

“Wait, Dwight? Are you sure?”

He scoffed. “A Schrute is always prepared for cold weather.”

She smiled. This was why Dwight sat with them. He may have an odd way of showing it, but he did genuinely care about his friends. Oh my god, Dwight Schrute was her friend. Well, worse things have happened. 

She looked over at Jim, and she couldn’t explain why she was satisfied to see the slightly put-out look on Jim’s face. Jim being jealous of Dwight was never an occurrence Pam expected to see. She had to admit, the fact that Jim had wanted to offer her his only jacket made her feel warmer than Dwight’s industrial grade coat did. 

…

Over at the clarinets’ corner, chaos was going down. They had sat by the grass so Angela and Oscar could admire the flowers(the rest of the courtyard was concrete), but Kevin evidently couldn’t be trusted in the grass as he had just managed to piss off an anthill.

“Kevin!” Angela scolded. She picked up her food and stepped way back. “I better not get any ants on me.”

“Kevin, why?” Oscar asked in defeat.

“Cause it’s fun to watch them swarm.” Kevin replied with a childish smile.

“Well, if I were you I would watch my sandwich.”

“Why would I– NO!” Kevin bellowed. Some of the others looked over in alarm. “Hey ants, get away from my ham sandwich!” Kevin complained, watching in dismay as ants swarmed his precious sandwich that he was just about to eat.

Oscar sighed and said “just leave it, Kevin” before dragging him away to somewhere far away from any anthills. (Three more people ended up getting bit by ants that afternoon. They blamed Kevin.)

…

“Guys, I have an idea!” Andy announced. Everyone groaned. Andy had lots of ideas, and most of them were stupid.

“You see all those ledges over there? We should parkour on them!”

“Surely no one is stupid enough to–” 

“I’ll do it!” Dwight yelled. Jim sighed. Dwight was gullible, but he usually wasn’t  _ stupid _ . Plus, didn’t he hate Andy? Oh well, the potential hospital bills this brought would be Dwight’s problem.

  
  


Soon enough, Andy and Dwight were parkouring across the parking lot and bus port and everyone looked on in morbid fascination. The gate to the parking lot was open and the two of them continued parkouring out there, somehow managing not to damage any cars with their less-than-stellar stunt moves.

They eventually came to the giant gate by the baseball field and the two of them began making passionate plans to “hop the fence.” God, watching them parkour was truly a trainwreck you just couldn’t look away from.

“Ok Andy, parkour on 3! One, two–”

And as soon as he said two, Andy launched himself upwards from a ledge, clearly having no idea what hopping a fence actually entailed. He just jumped upwards as if he could magically soar over the gate. Luckily his grabbing onto the bars as he inevitably came crashing down lightened his fall, but he still took a tumble. He looked up at Dwight, who had stood in front of the gate unmoving, with despair.

“Hey, I never said three”, Dwight replied without an ounce of compassion. Oscar facepalmed.

But soon all of them had Andy’s expression of despair as the sky burst into rain out of nowhere, instantly drenching everyone. It was windy and wet, with everyone screaming and running back to the school for cover. 

Jim grabbed Pam’s wrist and ran with her, and her heart was beating at the speed of light as they sprinted towards the bus port. They made it before everyone else and breathed heavily before smiling at the absurdity of the situation.

Soon the others came pouring in, many cursing that they would never eat outside again. Andy was the last to arrive, having laid on the ground pathetically for a bit as no one stopped to help him up after his fall. 

Despite all the chaos and physical discomfort the rain brought, Pam felt free. Maybe today wasn’t so bad after all.

...

A day had passed and it was now lunchtime yet again. After the bell rang, the winds congregated in the middle of the band room to figure out a new lunch spot.

Roy and ‘the boys’(plus Madge) were still sitting in the lunchroom, and Pam yet again kissed him goodbye before he headed out. Jim had to look away when they did that; he hated seeing his crush’s PDA. The fact that Pam was dating Roy of all people made it even worse, because really,  _ Roy?  _ He was so not right for her. But whatever, Jim had other things to think about.

“Where are we eating today?” Phyllis asked. 

“Ooh, I can’t believe I didn’t think of this yesterday–the theatre!” Andy shouted.

“Are we allowed in there?” Ryan asked skeptically.

“Yeah, don’t they have class?”

Andy waved his hands. “Guys, no need to worry. I have permission to be there. I’m  _ in  _ the theater program! Spring musical, every year!” He then began belting “floating along~” until Jim patted his shoulder to shush him.

“You know what, why not. To the theater”, Ryan announced, and everyone else decided to go along with it.

…

They walked into the theater only to see that there were, in fact, students on the stage, though there were no teachers in sight. “Told you there was class”, Stanley muttered.

“Guys, don’t worry. We can go in the tech booth!” Andy whispered.

Meredith shrugged and followed along, others similarly following suit.

The tech booth was pretty cramped for all fourteen of them, but they made it work. Most of them sat on the floor, no one daring to sit at the chairs in front of the lights and soundboard except Andy and Erin.

They all ate lunch making casual conversation while Andy kept watch on the students onstage through the corner of his eye. As soon as they seemed to have wrapped up and left the stage, Andy was shouting “hey guys, check out my tech skills!”

Most of them cringed. “Andy, are you sure you should be doing that?” Pam asked.

“I know what I’m doing.” Andy said with confidence.

“Disco time!” Andy yelled, messing with the lights so that the stage was flooded in every color for at least a second before changing to the next. He also did his best work to flicker them, causing Stanley to complain that he was giving him a headache.

“I didn’t know you raved, Andy.” Creed complimented.

Andy looked at him in confusion. “This isn’t a rave. It’s art.” Ryan gave Creed a nod of recognition though.

“Sound time!” Andy yelled. He had apparently grabbed one of the stage mics while everyone was eating and strapped it to himself, despite it all being so unnecessary.

“Andy, why do you have a mic? We’re literally in the same room”, Oscar complained.

“To work on my mic voice!” Andy began singing Jackson Five’s “I Want You Back” of all songs, and turned up the volume despite everyone’s complaints.

“Andy! Jesus christ, turn that down!”

But Andy kept going(they sure did not want to “let him back in their heart” after this torture) until the mic made a truly awful reverb noise before cutting out. “Shit.” Andy muttered.

Then he heard footsteps and a booming voice going “what’s going on in here?!”

Creed took off in the speed of light and Ryan, Kelly, Stanley, and Meredith followed suit. The others tried to leave less suspiciously, but they stopped in their tracks when a teacher appeared on the stage, as they would definitely be within his line of eyesight if they walked out.

“You! In the booth! What’s your name? Why are you messing with my equipment?!”

As the man continued to yell, Jim tapped Pam and Dwight on the shoulder and signaled to them that now was their moment to escape.

“Wha–” Pam whispered.

“Crawl.” Jim replied before carefully peeking behind the doorframe and, seeing the teacher’s preoccupation with yelling at the booth, continuing to crawl into the hallspace. Luckily, it was separated from the actual theater area by another set of doors, so as long as they didn’t stand up or catch his attention with the opening of the door to the lobby they were good.

The three of them successfully escaped and scurried to the orchestra room, which they decided was their best bet right now despite the grief of being in a room with Mr. Flenderson. Besides, what Michael Scott didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

The others were not so lucky. Andy got his ass handed to him on a plate(verbally) as the teacher berated him, and the clarinets were caught sneaking out thanks to Kevin. Erin had just sat there in the chair next to Andy innocently and was implicated too, even though the poor idiot did nothing wrong. The five of them got detention and needless to say were not very happy. Turns out the theater is a terrible spot to have lunch when Andy Bernard is present.

…

The next day, the Detention Five had lost all of their spirit and resigned themselves to their cafeteria plight. There was actually one place they could sit at in the cafeteria...the loser corner. It was a big ledge by the vending machines that the ‘outcasts’ sat at. It was pretty undesirable, but those five had lost all pride with their theater scuffle anyways.

Meredith, Creed, Stanley, and Phyllis decided to brave the elements and return to the outdoors. Ryan and Kelly were evidently “having lunch” in the girls’ bathroom(ew). 

Jim, Pam, and Dwight were still in the band room thanks to yet another Jim prank. Jim had decided that it would be funny to hide Dwight’s shoes, and it had taken Dwight ten whole minutes to find them. Correction: it took Dwight ten whole minutes to find his left shoe. Jim still wasn’t gonna tell him where the right one was. 

This pissed Dwight off, so he tackled Jim and grabbed  _ his  _ shoe before sprinting away with it and quickly opening the door to chuck it in the girl’s restroom.

“Dwight, are you kidding me?”

Dwight just smirked at him.

“Pam, would you please go get my sneaker for me?”

Dwight’s face fell. “That’s cheating, you can’t do that! Get it yourself!”

Pam was in a teasing mood, so she smirked and nodded. “Yeah Jim, get it yourself!”

He glared at her before sighing. “Ok, fine.” Then his expression shifted like he had just seen a ghost. 

“Wait a minute...Ryan and Kelly are in the girls’ bathroom right now, probably having sex! How far inside did you throw the shoe?”

Dwight got sheepish. “Uh, I don’t know, probably pretty far. I have a powerful throwing arm.”

“Damn it Dwight, I’m not walking into that...You know what? Let’s just forget about our shoes entirely and head to lunch.”

Dwight tilted his head in confusion. “Let me get this straight...you want us to go to lunch without any shoes.”

“Would you rather go to lunch with just one shoe on?”

That shut Dwight up. 

…

As they headed to the stairs to get food, they heard the clicking of high-heels and the beeping of a walkie-talkie. They glanced back and began to sweat a little at the sight of none other than administrator Jan Levinson.

“Where are your shoes?” she asked judgmentally.

“Oh, must’ve forgotten them after taking them off for an activity in class”, Jim replied with ease.

“You should probably go get them”, Jan responded in her usual authoritative tone before continuing to walk past them and turning at the end of the hallway. 

“Are you actually gonna go back for your shoes?” Pam whispered.

“And risk seeing Ryan and Kelly snoodling? No way!” Jim replied.

Pam looked on in disbelief as he and Dwight strode forward as if nothing ever happened.

  
  


After getting his nachos, Jim was just about good to go. They had decided on eating in the hallway today, because why not? Jim walked over to the seasoning bar to spice his nachos, and almost threw the can in shock when he looked up to see  _ Jan  _ standing at the foot of the stairs. He quickly set down the bottle of Cajun seasoning and yanked Dwight and Pam behind a pillar.

“Code red. I repeat, code red!”

“This isn’t a code red Jim, there hasn’t been a single siren–”

“Shh!” Jim grunted, slapping a hand over Dwight’s mouth for good measure. “Jan is standing. Right. There. You know how serious Jan is, she’ll kill us if she sees that we blatantly disobeyed her!”

“Well what are we gonna do?” Pam asked in desperation.

“Okay, here’s the plan. We wait until someone comes up to talk to her, then we make a break for the door to the courtyard.”

Pam and Dwight nodded, and after a couple minutes of glancing out behind the pillar(and plenty of weird looks from innocent people trying to season their nachos) their opportunity came.

“Go!” Jim whisper-shouted. “But act natural!” he tagged on, and they hilariously power-walked forwards as far away from Jan as they could. They made it past her and continued power-walking to the door, but then Jim felt a rush of panic, almost like Jan was watching them.

“Hurry”, Jim whispered, and as soon as they opened the door to the courtyard they literally bolted. From afar, Stanley and Phyllis watched their idiocracy and shook their heads.

The courtyard connected to the other side of the school building, so they rushed towards that door and prayed it wasn’t locked. It was open, so they hurried in and then slowed themselves to a normal walking speed.

“Anddd we’re clear.” Jim announced. Pam quietly cheered and high-fived the two of them. 

“Wow, that was crazy”, Pam muttered, still in shock.

“Hey, we can just take it easy now, no one over here cares if we walk around.” Dwight said in an attempt of reassurance. He was right though, this side of the building was mainly the lower level math classes plus P.E., and none of them really gave a fuck. 

They all sighed in relief and took their time meandering back towards the main staircase. Pam still needed to get back to the band room as she had left her lunchbox in her backpack. She expected to them to be in and out of the cafeteria, not get caught in a wild chase with Jan.

So when Dwight turned the corner past the art room and somehow saw Jan  _ fucking  _ Levinson, he nearly had a heart attack. He immediately backed up into Jim, who grunted and was given a swift elbow by Dwight.

“Dwight, what the–”

Dwight gave him a look of sheer terror and he shut up. “JAN”, he mouthed, and Jim nodded before grabbing his arm and dragging him away as quickly as possible. 

He looked back in dismay to see Pam lost in thought while inspecting a painting on display. Luckily, Dwight poked her and upon seeing the desperate look on Jim’s face, she instantly understood. She grabbed onto Dwight’s arm, completing the human chain.

Jim continued walking forwards, but they soon heard the tell-tale clicking of heels heading their way. It was just far enough away that Jan likely wasn’t heading for them specifically, but she would be if they didn’t get the hell out of the way before she sees them.

Deciding to trust in his speed and throw caution to the wind, Jim began outright running. To his luck, the fact that neither him not Dwight were wearing shoes actually did some good as it made their running relatively quiet(how ironic). Jim ran like a track boy and felt exhilarated when they finally reached a side staircase, bolting up that as well.

They made it to the second floor and were finally able to stop running once they reached the social studies hallway. The three of them collapsed on the floor, no longer holding onto any dignity as they simply sat against the wall, panting and out of breath.

After sitting there in an exhausted silence for about a minute, Jim muttered “come on, we gotta go before Jan gets moving again” and Pam and Dwight groaned as Jim lifted them back to standing.

They sluggishly walked back to the band room, taking far longer than any physically able person should but hey, they made it! As they walked in they ran into Michael Scott, who took one look at them and asked in disgust, “what the hell happened to you guys?”

“One word. Jan.”

The others nodded, and Michael frowned. “What did she get you guys in trouble for? Admin can’t control us, I’ll get you out of it. Especially you Jim, you’re a good guy.”

Dwight shook his head. “We didn’t get in trouble. We outran her.”

Michael looked confused. “You had a running contest? Well, I guess that explains Jan’s rockin’ bod. Good job guys!”.

Dwight had wanted to protest but Pam just stopped him with a hand on his arm and shook her head. With Michael it really wasn’t worth it. He clapped his hands in “congradulations” and walked back into his office.

After about two minutes the bell rang, the three ending up with barely any time to actually eat their lunch. As they packed it up to eat next block and got ready to head out, Dwight realized he still didn’t have his other shoe. Luckily Jim was way too tired to do anything more than return it to him, and Kelly and Ryan were done so Jim could get his own shoe back too. 

The two of them made it to AP language with about 10 seconds to spare, and lamented their own foolishness for the rest of the day. But they had to admit, it was pretty funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering why I made Creed, Meredith, Stanley, and Phyllis juniors, it’s because I plan on making this go to their next school year, so they can’t graduate. Everyone else is considered a sophomore except Ryan and Erin, who are freshmen. Don’t pay too much mind to it, just thought I would mention that aspect for worldbuilding.


End file.
